Comments for State of Affairs http://www.loveandfidelity.org/blog Just another WordPress weblog Fri, 11 May 2012 00:07:32 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.2 Comment on IvyQ and the Negative Side of Sex-Positivity by Cassandra Hough by Tony Esolen http://www.loveandfidelity.org/blog/index.php/2012/05/08/ivyq-and-the-negative-side-of-sex-positivity-by-cassandra-hough/comment-page-1/#comment-14888 Tony Esolen Fri, 11 May 2012 00:07:32 +0000 http://www.loveandfidelity.org/blog/?p=2554#comment-14888 You are a brave and good woman, Cassie! Interesting -- no mention, in those session titles, of love, fidelity, purity, grace, modesty, kindness, manliness, womanliness ... No mention of any virtues at all, but rather sheer self-regard and ambition. You are a brave and good woman, Cassie!

Interesting — no mention, in those session titles, of love, fidelity, purity, grace, modesty, kindness, manliness, womanliness … No mention of any virtues at all, but rather sheer self-regard and ambition.

]]> Comment on Dating on a Shoe-string Budget by Alysa Fissel http://www.loveandfidelity.org/blog/index.php/2010/09/10/dating-on-a-shoe-string-budget/comment-page-1/#comment-14803 Alysa Fissel Wed, 02 May 2012 17:13:00 +0000 http://www.loveandfidelity.org/blog/?p=586#comment-14803 What a fantastic review! I work with this book and this review made me want to immediately pick it up and read it again. What a fantastic review! I work with this book and this review made me want to immediately pick it up and read it again.

]]> Comment on In Praise of Men by Catherine Palmer by A woman http://www.loveandfidelity.org/blog/index.php/2012/03/27/in-praise-of-men-by-catherine-palmer/comment-page-1/#comment-14787 A woman Mon, 30 Apr 2012 15:20:50 +0000 http://www.loveandfidelity.org/blog/?p=2354#comment-14787 Very deep, excellently brought across and hitting the nail on the head each time. Elizabeth comments clearly too: when we complain how terrible men can be, often times we are just as terrible. I see the case as, we get what we demand and if we know not what to demand, how to demand and lack discernment the fault lies just as much with us. Crux to the issue is that discernment requires humility, the power to listen and to understand. Often these virtues are lost with misplaced feminism that we have become shrill not only in voice but also in nature. Feminity is never shrill about manliness; quite the contrary; it knows how to bring out the best of it. Very deep, excellently brought across and hitting the nail on the head each time. Elizabeth comments clearly too: when we complain how terrible men can be, often times we are just as terrible. I see the case as, we get what we demand and if we know not what to demand, how to demand and lack discernment the fault lies just as much with us. Crux to the issue is that discernment requires humility, the power to listen and to understand. Often these virtues are lost with misplaced feminism that we have become shrill not only in voice but also in nature. Feminity is never shrill about manliness; quite the contrary; it knows how to bring out the best of it.

]]> Comment on Does “Safe Sex” Really Satisfy?: A Return to Chastity by Catherine Palmer by George http://www.loveandfidelity.org/blog/index.php/2011/07/12/1838/comment-page-1/#comment-14772 George Sat, 28 Apr 2012 05:46:01 +0000 http://www.loveandfidelity.org/blog/?p=1838#comment-14772 I think if chastity is what makes sense to/for you at any point in your life, then that's a great thing and more power to you. I think it is probably hard in a society that is very focused on sex, and dealing with your own sexual desires to feel secure in making this decision. This doesn’t mean, however, that it’s okay to judge people who haven’t made the same choice in their lives that you have, or to think that giving in to sexual desire means that you are being weak in any way. Sexual desire is one of the most basic desires that human beings have: like hunger, thirst, the need to use the bathroom etc, as has been mentioned here before. And fulfilling this desire is perfectly normal, and perfectly healthy, whether you chose to do this by masturbating, having non-penetrative sexual relations, or in having sexual intercourse. Sex—even before marriage—can be a really beautiful, wonderful, and satisfying experience for any and all parties involved. It is not true—and I speak from personal experience—that this will inevitably lead to negative consequences. Sex feels good. This is why people chose to do it at times in their life when they aren’t attempting to conceive. And so I think it is unfair and unreasonable to think that the natural consequences of sex SHOULD be becoming a parent. Exploring one’s sexuality is a really important part of growing up, because it will almost always be a part of adult life (before or after marriage) and figuring out what feels good and right is an important thing to know. Choosing to have sex in certain situations can obviously be a mistake, but many people find it to be an empowering experience, and it can be really wonderful. Not waiting until you’re married to have sexual intercourse doesn’t mean that you don’t respect yourself, your future partner or your future children. Some of the strongest, most self-respecting women I know have made the decision to have sex before they are married, and it has been a great decision for them. Some people find that waiting to have sex until they’re married is a way that they are able to respect themselves more, and that’s wonderful for them. It’s all a personal decision, and no one path is going to be universally successful. Obviously not having sex is the only surefire way to not get pregnant, and it is true that there are some STIs that can be transmitted even with the use of a condom during sex. However, the best thing you can possibly do to prevent unwanted pregnancies, to prevent STIs spreading MORE through the sex that people are -inevitably- going to be having, is to have condoms readily accessible to those people who have made the choice to have sex. Many people don't have access to condoms or other forms of birth control, and this results in many unwanted pregnancies and the further spread of STIs. We have seven billion people on this planet, and it’s not like we really have a problem of low-population. If people are going to be having sex before they are ready for/want children, then better that they should have the means to prevent the conception of a child who they would not be able or ready to care for. (Obviously, though, this whole discussion of pregnancy is only considering vaginal heterosexual sex.) People have sex before they get married. They have sex with people they're not in a relationship with. This is no reflection on their moral character, it's merely how they have chosen to live in this aspect of their life. People don’t choose to participate in sexual activity BECAUSE condoms were accessible to them. But having this (and other birth control methods) available to them just means that when people make these decisions, they are able to be healthy about them. People make the decision to have sex FIRST, and the decision to use condoms AFTER they have already decided that they’re going to have sex. I think everyone should have the right to not be judged on their sexual desires or practices. Whether they have sex or not, or if they want to have sex or not, or if they are sexually attracted to men or women or if they’re just really into Rue Paul, or if the whole thing is unappealing. If people chose to have sex with someone they met 15 minutes ago, in the back of a van, or if they choose to have sex with the partner they’ve been in love with for 3 years, or if they chose to not have sex at all, they deserve to not be judged for this. There’s no way to win with sex. They tell you you’re a whore if you have sex, and you’re a prude if you don’t. They tell you you’re immoral if you do it before you’re married, and they judge you when you wait. There’s no one thing that works for everyone—every person deals with this in a different way, because we’re all different—and I think it’s harmful to say that any one way of living is wrong, if it’s a lifestyle that’s healthy and happy for the person living it. This is what I think. I think if chastity is what makes sense to/for you at any point in your life, then that’s a great thing and more power to you. I think it is probably hard in a society that is very focused on sex, and dealing with your own sexual desires to feel secure in making this decision. This doesn’t mean, however, that it’s okay to judge people who haven’t made the same choice in their lives that you have, or to think that giving in to sexual desire means that you are being weak in any way. Sexual desire is one of the most basic desires that human beings have: like hunger, thirst, the need to use the bathroom etc, as has been mentioned here before. And fulfilling this desire is perfectly normal, and perfectly healthy, whether you chose to do this by masturbating, having non-penetrative sexual relations, or in having sexual intercourse. Sex—even before marriage—can be a really beautiful, wonderful, and satisfying experience for any and all parties involved. It is not true—and I speak from personal experience—that this will inevitably lead to negative consequences. Sex feels good. This is why people chose to do it at times in their life when they aren’t attempting to conceive. And so I think it is unfair and unreasonable to think that the natural consequences of sex SHOULD be becoming a parent. Exploring one’s sexuality is a really important part of growing up, because it will almost always be a part of adult life (before or after marriage) and figuring out what feels good and right is an important thing to know. Choosing to have sex in certain situations can obviously be a mistake, but many people find it to be an empowering experience, and it can be really wonderful. Not waiting until you’re married to have sexual intercourse doesn’t mean that you don’t respect yourself, your future partner or your future children. Some of the strongest, most self-respecting women I know have made the decision to have sex before they are married, and it has been a great decision for them. Some people find that waiting to have sex until they’re married is a way that they are able to respect themselves more, and that’s wonderful for them. It’s all a personal decision, and no one path is going to be universally successful.
Obviously not having sex is the only surefire way to not get pregnant, and it is true that there are some STIs that can be transmitted even with the use of a condom during sex. However, the best thing you can possibly do to prevent unwanted pregnancies, to prevent STIs spreading MORE through the sex that people are -inevitably- going to be having, is to have condoms readily accessible to those people who have made the choice to have sex. Many people don’t have access to condoms or other forms of birth control, and this results in many unwanted pregnancies and the further spread of STIs. We have seven billion people on this planet, and it’s not like we really have a problem of low-population. If people are going to be having sex before they are ready for/want children, then better that they should have the means to prevent the conception of a child who they would not be able or ready to care for. (Obviously, though, this whole discussion of pregnancy is only considering vaginal heterosexual sex.)
People have sex before they get married. They have sex with people they’re not in a relationship with. This is no reflection on their moral character, it’s merely how they have chosen to live in this aspect of their life. People don’t choose to participate in sexual activity BECAUSE condoms were accessible to them. But having this (and other birth control methods) available to them just means that when people make these decisions, they are able to be healthy about them. People make the decision to have sex FIRST, and the decision to use condoms AFTER they have already decided that they’re going to have sex.
I think everyone should have the right to not be judged on their sexual desires or practices. Whether they have sex or not, or if they want to have sex or not, or if they are sexually attracted to men or women or if they’re just really into Rue Paul, or if the whole thing is unappealing. If people chose to have sex with someone they met 15 minutes ago, in the back of a van, or if they choose to have sex with the partner they’ve been in love with for 3 years, or if they chose to not have sex at all, they deserve to not be judged for this. There’s no way to win with sex. They tell you you’re a whore if you have sex, and you’re a prude if you don’t. They tell you you’re immoral if you do it before you’re married, and they judge you when you wait. There’s no one thing that works for everyone—every person deals with this in a different way, because we’re all different—and I think it’s harmful to say that any one way of living is wrong, if it’s a lifestyle that’s healthy and happy for the person living it.
This is what I think.

]]> Comment on Are my chances of divorce 50/50? The impact of internalizing popular interpretations of research by State of Affairs » Human development’s relevance to college students’ sexual choices http://www.loveandfidelity.org/blog/index.php/2012/04/27/are-my-chances-of-divorce-5050-the-impact-of-internalizing-popular-interpretations-of-research-and-scholarly-thought/comment-page-1/#comment-14767 State of Affairs » Human development’s relevance to college students’ sexual choices Fri, 27 Apr 2012 21:17:11 +0000 http://www.loveandfidelity.org/blog/?p=2431#comment-14767 [...] Are my chances of divorce 50/50? The impact of internalizing popular interpretations of research and... [...] [...] Are my chances of divorce 50/50? The impact of internalizing popular interpretations of research and… [...]

]]> Comment on In Praise of Men by Catherine Palmer by Keith http://www.loveandfidelity.org/blog/index.php/2012/03/27/in-praise-of-men-by-catherine-palmer/comment-page-1/#comment-14683 Keith Thu, 19 Apr 2012 11:47:14 +0000 http://www.loveandfidelity.org/blog/?p=2354#comment-14683 Great article! It's nice to be appreciated. We men don't hear what this article says very often. And we do exist, this type of man. The complementarity of men and women is a beautiful, awesome thing. And--we men DO need women, and we need them to be ladies. In fact, we should help them to be true ladies. But I need to add that women help neither men nor themselves by dressing immodestly. Any good man wants to see the woman, her beautiful face and personality, and not a bunch of body parts, which distracts in a way that is not healthy for anyone. There also some good website now that try to help men be gentlemen. I have one as well, at www.welldressedgentleman.com. I'm not leaving a comment to plug my website--I don't make any money from it, that's for sure--but I hope that the more men read it, the more men it will inspire to dress and act like gentlemen. Anyway, thank you for a great article, and a great quote by St. Jose Maria Escriva! Great article! It’s nice to be appreciated. We men don’t hear what this article says very often. And we do exist, this type of man. The complementarity of men and women is a beautiful, awesome thing. And–we men DO need women, and we need them to be ladies. In fact, we should help them to be true ladies. But I need to add that women help neither men nor themselves by dressing immodestly. Any good man wants to see the woman, her beautiful face and personality, and not a bunch of body parts, which distracts in a way that is not healthy for anyone.

There also some good website now that try to help men be gentlemen. I have one as well, at http://www.welldressedgentleman.com. I’m not leaving a comment to plug my website–I don’t make any money from it, that’s for sure–but I hope that the more men read it, the more men it will inspire to dress and act like gentlemen.

Anyway, thank you for a great article, and a great quote by St. Jose Maria Escriva!

]]> Comment on Does “Safe Sex” Really Satisfy?: A Return to Chastity by Catherine Palmer by Anil kumar http://www.loveandfidelity.org/blog/index.php/2011/07/12/1838/comment-page-1/#comment-14674 Anil kumar Wed, 18 Apr 2012 19:26:02 +0000 http://www.loveandfidelity.org/blog/?p=1838#comment-14674 I dont agree with anonymous.i feel strange when u said chastity is practised by people who have less desire. Wrong!!. Practising chastity is just put your heart or soul instead of harmone. I dont agree with anonymous.i feel strange when u said chastity is practised by people who have less desire. Wrong!!. Practising chastity is just put your heart or soul instead of harmone.

]]> Comment on Does “Safe Sex” Really Satisfy?: A Return to Chastity by Catherine Palmer by musikfreak38 http://www.loveandfidelity.org/blog/index.php/2011/07/12/1838/comment-page-1/#comment-14663 musikfreak38 Tue, 17 Apr 2012 01:07:35 +0000 http://www.loveandfidelity.org/blog/?p=1838#comment-14663 I don't think it has anything to do with the amount of desire someone has. Trust me, I turned 20 a few months ago, and I'd be lying if I said I had no desire to do any of this stuff. It's what we as humans are programmed to do. But I know, for some of the reasons listed in the article, that chastity is, in my mind, the best thing out there. Therefore, I believe it is the strength of someone's will as to whether they give in to their desires or not. Also, it has a lot to do with the environment kids and teens are being brought up in. And quite honestly, I wish I had been born a few decades earlier!! I don’t think it has anything to do with the amount of desire someone has. Trust me, I turned 20 a few months ago, and I’d be lying if I said I had no desire to do any of this stuff. It’s what we as humans are programmed to do. But I know, for some of the reasons listed in the article, that chastity is, in my mind, the best thing out there. Therefore, I believe it is the strength of someone’s will as to whether they give in to their desires or not. Also, it has a lot to do with the environment kids and teens are being brought up in. And quite honestly, I wish I had been born a few decades earlier!!

]]> Comment on Does “Safe Sex” Really Satisfy?: A Return to Chastity by Catherine Palmer by Quaerens http://www.loveandfidelity.org/blog/index.php/2011/07/12/1838/comment-page-1/#comment-14660 Quaerens Mon, 16 Apr 2012 20:48:11 +0000 http://www.loveandfidelity.org/blog/?p=1838#comment-14660 "I take exception to the notion of “safe sex” not because I am prudish, but because I am optimistic." Awesome! I love this! It is this very optimism, or hope, that lets me sigh at Anon's response and respond ever more fervently to the call to chastity in all areas of my life. Amen, St. Josemaria. Great job, Catherine. “I take exception to the notion of “safe sex” not because I am prudish, but because I am optimistic.” Awesome! I love this!

It is this very optimism, or hope, that lets me sigh at Anon’s response and respond ever more fervently to the call to chastity in all areas of my life. Amen, St. Josemaria. Great job, Catherine.

]]> Comment on Does “Safe Sex” Really Satisfy?: A Return to Chastity by Catherine Palmer by Anh http://www.loveandfidelity.org/blog/index.php/2011/07/12/1838/comment-page-1/#comment-14659 Anh Mon, 16 Apr 2012 20:23:48 +0000 http://www.loveandfidelity.org/blog/?p=1838#comment-14659 I don't think it's a matter of having "less desire" for sex as much as it is having a stronger desire of the good of the other and for upholding your own dignity. It's a bit condescending to say that the people who are able to practice self control must not have any struggle with it in the first place - you're totally disregarding human nature with that statement. And the problem IS that too few of us value chastity in our relationships. We'd be so much more free to love if we weren't so bound to the idea that succumbing to our sexual desires is inevitable, regardless of its consequences. I don’t think it’s a matter of having “less desire” for sex as much as it is having a stronger desire of the good of the other and for upholding your own dignity. It’s a bit condescending to say that the people who are able to practice self control must not have any struggle with it in the first place – you’re totally disregarding human nature with that statement.

And the problem IS that too few of us value chastity in our relationships. We’d be so much more free to love if we weren’t so bound to the idea that succumbing to our sexual desires is inevitable, regardless of its consequences.

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